What's your normal???

What is your normal???

I remember the first time I was told "we can't afford for you to go to the doctor". It was January/ February 1991, and we were on our way home from a pot luck at church. I had made green beans in a crock-pot. We were driving a Ford Ranger, and the crock-pot was on the floor between my feet. My husband turned a corner too fast and the juice in the crock-pot spilled on my ankle. I knew it was bad. 

He was not happy about it of course, as this meant attention for me and a possible medical bill. I was sitting there in terrible pain. He got out of the vehicle when we pulled in the driveway and left me, and the crock-pot, in the truck. I lifted my foot to take off my shoe and sock hoping it would be easier to walk. When I peeled off my sock my skin came off with it. I was sitting there in disbelief....

I manged to make my way in the house, with the crock-pot too, and he didn't say a word. Finally, the pain was so intense we got back in the truck to go to the emergency room. When we pulled into the parking lot he proceeded to explain to me how much it would cost for an emergency room visit and how much that would set us back financially. After a long discussion on his part as to how we couldn't afford it - we left.

This was my new normal. We couldn't afford to go to the Dr., and this lasted the rest of my marriage. I would "pay for it" if I spent money at the doctors office. He would make sure of it. He would change what we ate, the temperature on the thermostat, or even how much I worked, because I had to make up for spending money. You see... I wasn't allowed to spend money either. He had to give me approval. In his eyes, I was less than deserving of anything unless I could financially earn my keep, or essentially instead of being his wife, I was his slave.

My husband was older than me; he used that to constantly tell me how much more mature he was and how I always made mistakes because of my youth and lack of experience. This was another new normal to me. I was always wrong. He was always right. These events happened slowly over a few years and I didn't see them. These guys are good at manipulating, good at lying, good at making us believe things that aren't true. So my new normal was constantly changing and it was gradual...so gradual that I didn't see it, and now when I look back I see how bad, wrong, and unhealthy things truly were.

What is your normal??? How much has it changed???  Tell me what has happened to you. What have you accepted, unknowingly because it was so gradual???

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