A life full of secrets - Target

 

We had just checked out at Target and he came up to us....

Things were really bad (Winter 2010). They had been, since I went back just a year ago (Winter 2009). In fact, things were so much worse. My daughter (8) and I stayed in the bedroom the entire time he was home for fear we would make him angry. We had even figured out if we hid food and water in there with us, we wouldn't have to leave the bedroom until he left the house.

So, as horrific as things were, still no one knew. No one knew how terrified we were. No one knew how isolated we were. No one knew that we were prisoners in our own house. NO ONE KNEW!

We had just checked out at Target and this man that my husband worked out with at the gym saw us. He walked over and proceeded to tell me how I was married to one of the best guys he has ever known! He went on and on about what a stand-up guy my husband was and how, in his whole life, he has only met a few people as kind, supportive, and compassionate as my husband. I was standing there wanting to SCREAM....

He abuses us! He hates us! He is FURIOUS all the time! He controls our every move, and we are terrified!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS PERSON IS!!!!!!!!

I remember standing there feeling like I was literally, going to vomit on the man. 

I so desperately wanted someone to help us. 

I so desperately wanted someone to believe us.

I so desperately wanted to hear what really goes on behind closed doors in our home.....

Please "Like" me on my Facebook page @ Life Full of Secrets

or email me @ lifefullofsecrets2013@gmail.com

What's your normal???

What is your normal???

I remember the first time I was told "we can't afford for you to go to the doctor". It was January/ February 1991, and we were on our way home from a pot luck at church. I had made green beans in a crock-pot. We were driving a Ford Ranger, and the crock-pot was on the floor between my feet. My husband turned a corner too fast and the juice in the crock-pot spilled on my ankle. I knew it was bad. 

He was not happy about it of course, as this meant attention for me and a possible medical bill. I was sitting there in terrible pain. He got out of the vehicle when we pulled in the driveway and left me, and the crock-pot, in the truck. I lifted my foot to take off my shoe and sock hoping it would be easier to walk. When I peeled off my sock my skin came off with it. I was sitting there in disbelief....

I manged to make my way in the house, with the crock-pot too, and he didn't say a word. Finally, the pain was so intense we got back in the truck to go to the emergency room. When we pulled into the parking lot he proceeded to explain to me how much it would cost for an emergency room visit and how much that would set us back financially. After a long discussion on his part as to how we couldn't afford it - we left.

This was my new normal. We couldn't afford to go to the Dr., and this lasted the rest of my marriage. I would "pay for it" if I spent money at the doctors office. He would make sure of it. He would change what we ate, the temperature on the thermostat, or even how much I worked, because I had to make up for spending money. You see... I wasn't allowed to spend money either. He had to give me approval. In his eyes, I was less than deserving of anything unless I could financially earn my keep, or essentially instead of being his wife, I was his slave.

My husband was older than me; he used that to constantly tell me how much more mature he was and how I always made mistakes because of my youth and lack of experience. This was another new normal to me. I was always wrong. He was always right. These events happened slowly over a few years and I didn't see them. These guys are good at manipulating, good at lying, good at making us believe things that aren't true. So my new normal was constantly changing and it was gradual...so gradual that I didn't see it, and now when I look back I see how bad, wrong, and unhealthy things truly were.

What is your normal??? How much has it changed???  Tell me what has happened to you. What have you accepted, unknowingly because it was so gradual???

Please "Like" me on my Facebook page @ Life Full of Secrets

or email me @ lifefullofsecrets2013@gmail.com

July 11, 2011 - The day I thought we were going to die!!

 

I was afraid for our lives........

Tension had been building for months now. I had filed for a divorce in March, 4 months earlier, yet we were all still living in the same house. The day started out the same as any other day. My husband went to the gym early that morning, and while he was gone I came out of the bedroom to make his Gatorade to take to work. He came home, got ready for work, and left. I was unable to work outside because I was having a "Severe Type 3 Delayed Allergic Reaction" to the Remicade infusion therapy I had had a few months earlier; which of course caused major rage on his part since he couldn't control my day anymore.

Shortly after my husband left for work he called and asked me to get our son up and ready for work, as we were the owners of a lawn business, and this is where it all began! This was the day I thought he was going to kill me...

My son wouldn't get up!!! My husband called and I told him this; he was extremely angry and he was on his way home! On top of that, an employee had just told my son and I the week before that my husband was "about to blow", and he was "afraid for our lives"! So this rage terrified me; so much so that I called my attorney and told them that if something happened and I didn't call them back to call the police. My attorney recommended I get an Emergency Protection Order (EPO). I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. If I got the order it would make him even more furious!!

I remember standing on my deck in the hot sun, calling anyone I could think of, to ask for advice. EVERYONE said the same thing - GET AN EPO NOW!!!

So, I took my 9 year-old daughter to the court house and filed for the EPO. It was the scariest day of my life. Go figure my son would sneak the F350 truck out and flip it on its side while I was at the attorney's office. REALLY!!?? YES REALLY!!!! My phone rang at least 30 times over the next few hours while I was at the court house. My husband was livid!!! Unknowingly to me, he went to the bank and took all the money out of our accounts, ALL OF IT. He left with me nothing.

The Sheriff told us to not go home until they served him. My daughter (9) and I drove around for the next seven hours, for fear he would find us, until we finally went to a McDonald's were we sat in the parking lot. Finally, at 11:30 pm. the Sheriff called and said he was out of the house and it was safe to go home. I was exhausted and terrified. We got home at midnight and it was strange to say the least. He wasn't there. He wasn't waiting for us. We locked all the doors, turned on the lights, and turned on the RADIO!! Maybe now we could live in peace???

This was a Monday and the domestic violence hearing was that coming Friday the 15th of July, the second scariest day of my life. 

Please "Like" me on my Facebook page @ Life Full of Secrets

or email me @ lifefullofsecrets2013@gmail.com