1st Life Changing Moment

It was the summer of 2009. My mom, my daughter and I were in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. We were staying in a chalet on the mountain and as we were walking to the house my mom and I were talking....

These were her words -

"You're just like an abused woman and you don't even know it."

As she spoke I am almost rolling my eyes as this is not a true statement. Over the next several months her words weighed on my mind! Could I be? Is she right? No way! Not me! But she was right. I was! That was me!

I realize this is a difficult topic. It is a topic we don't want to talk about. A topic we don't want to belive. But it is real. It happens everyday. It happened, unknowingly, to me. Can it be happening to you or someone you know? Are you in a relationship that has unhealthy boundaries? For example these were my unhealthy boundaries:

• I was only allowed to cook certain meals
• I was not allowed to make plans
• I was not allowed to listen to the radio
• I was not allowed to turn the volume up on the tv
• I was not allowed to use the remote for the tv
• I was not allowed to walk around the house or use the bathroom if my husband was sleeping
• I could not have a conversation with another person without being told all the things I said wrong
• I could not drive a car withoug being told how I am a terrible driver
• I could not grocery shop the way he wanted me to
• I could not clean the house properly
• I could not parent correctly
• I would have to carry my phone everywhere, even the bathroom, because I could not miss his call
• If I was home I had to watch the "local on the 8's" every ten minutes so I could give him an update of the current weather radar
• If I was not with my husband he timed me on everything - how long it took me to run an errand for him, how long I was at the store, etc
• There was NOTHING I could do right! I couldn't even go to the bathroom right!

Does any of this sound familiar? Is this you? Is this someone you know? When my mom first said those words to me, I didn't believe her, but then it was like the blinders slowly came off! I slowly began to see that the rules I had to live by were absurd!

So now where to we go? We have to help each other! We have to recognize these unhealthy boundaries and talk about them. That is why I wanted to start this blog. I desperately needed someone to hear me, someone to believe me. I hear you! I believe you!

Let's be this for each other. "Knowledge is power!" The more we talk about this the more we will realize how wrong it is, how unhealthy it is. I have been free for almost two years now, and I am finding my way to health and happiness. It has been a long hard journey, but I would not go back to the person I was before or the life I lived before. 

Please "Like" me on my Facebook page @ Life Full of Secrets

or email me @ lifefullofsecrets2013@gmail.com